Yeeeeeeewwwwwwww..

Waahh...Everytime come here is just to swear it out...Sigh..have been a stressful and slow week for me. Hey anyone who contacted me but i nv get back im sooooo sorry about it. Have really been so tied up... Im suppose to be my frend's sister for her wedding but im soo busy to get prepared... And now i have forgotten which date.. OMG i must check it out..My god!! Friends outings I also haven been attending...Sooo sorry dears.. Pls call me up after april hopefully i be free by then.. And hopefully im able to survive for this june hols..Frends checking out my blog now u know im still surviving...

End of NIE, Start of School

Oh dear, today is the last day of NIE and now i'm starting to miss my NIE friends... It was a very depressing day for me. Before starting of NIE, i hated the idea so much. I was scared and alone. But i made so many good friends... They are such a lovely bunch of people that i thank heaven for sending them to me. From them, i learnt more about myself.
I could not believe such wonderful people exist on earth, my course mates and lecturers that you can fall in love with.. Hahax..So nice that i have to write this down. The happy times we went through together, the crazy times, and obviously the ardious and torturing times. The killing assignments which we all cried over and pushed and encourage each other to go on. We helped each other along, and give one another a lift whoever needs it and embrace together when we finished.
From them, i learnt how compassionate, loving and kind pp can be. They love you for your strengths and your weaknesses. They are such wonderful pp and compassionate teachers. Especially after the counselling course, it made our bond grow stronger. It became a healing course where we all heal as we open up to one another. I just wanted to share to others somethings that may be beneficial to their lives like mine.
Humans beings are complicated by nature, and we have a lot of emotions inside us. Some may surfaced, but others maybe suppressed within. Sometimes we may be confused why we have conflicting feelings inside us at the same time, and we struggle to decide which is the one. Normally, we tend to deny the negative one. But it is actually normal. There is no love without hate. You can love and hate someone at the same time. Its ok. Just acknowledgin tt feeling brings relief and peace within yourself. When you feel extreme pain or hurt, you cannot deny your feelings. You have to acknowledge them before you can move on. Things get better from tt step. I went through it by escaping and thought i be fine as i'm strong. But i'm wrong. I have to go through the feeling of hurt and pain, then i can heal. Its a natural process that we cannot aviod. But time is GREAT! It will heal all your wounds, and one day as u look back, u will smile and laugh at your own silliness back then.
im really glad that i have known you all my dears. I love you all so so much. Huda, Grace, Peiyi, Neeti, Carine, Dellia, Yee Mui, Yihui, Doreen, Peggy, Helen, Junna, Siti, Cidah, Nas, Wiyah, and all the other course mates, thank you for being my friends and showing me grace, kindness and love.
Huda: You cant disturb me anymore. Hope you will think of me at times.
Grace: You are such a gracious person. You are my goddess
Peiyi: You are such a fun-loving gal
Neeti: You are the leader but Naughty Neetz!
A even more stressful task is waiting. Hopefully everyone can pull through your TP but now not everyone is by our side. We have to be independent and get through it. Take care!

Convocation

Yeah~ My darling finally graduated!! Congratulations. But now its finally reality. Welcome to the world dear. Have to start finding a job and survive le.. keke.. Its july and my birthday is coming! But im not really looking forward to it coz it only means im a year older again.. Time just flies.. sigh.... i wonder where i will be or what i will be doing at this tim next year. I missed my dear friend christ so much recently. I wonder how is she doing in Shanghai. Hey girl pls email me when u r free. And another dear friend is Mel. I totally lost contact with her these few months. Not even a msg from her. Tried calling her but cant get through. Guess she must be in Indonesia.. Pls call me!! hahax..Miss you guys. Take care wherever u r. But i know definitely u all must be in somewhere on earth though. keke..

Holiday is over

Wow a month has already passed. I've been lookin forward to my one mth holiday and woosh it has passed. Next week my sch starts and i feel i haven't enjoyed enough yet...I just came back from Genting and KL and it was a wonderful trip. I havent shopped enough at KL coz there was not much time. But it was really an experience for me. I tried taking the LRT and monorail and boy it wasn't tt easy afterall.
Time passes real fast when u r enjoying yourself. And after i came back my mood wasnt really good, perhaps some bad little things happened. And i feel i can;t control my emotions well. Im attending a workshop on Buddhism and i always felt better after every session. It made me realised and reflect on the things i've nv thought before.
Well beings do suffer here, perhaps we did not realise we personalized alot of things. We personalized things because we are all self-centred. If we do not force something to belong to us, we won't feel upset even we lost it. Life and death are just part and parcel of life, and if we don't take it in our stride, the one who will feel miserable is ourselves. This is not just religion, but it is something i feel about our way of life.

Alone

Sigh...My eyes are as swollen as a goldfish's. My dear went for his trip already since last sat. Recently im in a extremely terrible mood. Perhaps stressed at work and stressed over my relationship. There is no big problem in my relationship, but just tt i also dunno why im very jittery.
These few days being alone, i tried to do all things to divert my attention, so i'll not remember im alone. Actually to alot of people, this is no big deal. Yes, i also thought so. But i realised i'm wrong. The fear of me being alone was embedded deep inside my sleeping memory for years. Now it has awakened. I realised that i've been so scared of being thrown alone, like what had happened a few years back. I thought i've forgotten, i've healed completely. But, im terribly WRONG. The wound is still there.
He called back from taiwan last night, i'm supposed to be happy. But i got agitated over a little comment, and i broke down without him knowing. I cried and cried till i fall asleep. I rather he don't call back, i rather be alone. I kept telling myself i can be strong. It's no big deal. But this fear is so familiar. I told him don't call me back, just leave me alone, and i will be better. If he don't call, don't msg me, at least i can forget that i'm alone. I know i'm deceiving myself, but at least time flies faster, and i can be stronger. By showing his concern for me, i became vulnerable. Too vulnerable. A bad incident before made me even more scared of loneliness. How do i get past? Also by deceiving myself. Do all things to divert my attention, be busy every single day, in this way i wont have time to think. Sorry to him. real sorry.

Kids' hearts are always innocent

Yipeeee! Today is labour day and its pulic holiday!! But now its going to be over soon...Had a gathering with my friends and i had a fun time, I adored them soo much. But Christ going to Shanghai with her bf soon on 14th May and i feel a bit lonely. Wonder when can i see her again coz her bf posted there to work and in short term she wont come back. Sobzz...Sigh why my good friends are all leaving one by one? I hope i can leave too. It's so boring here. Today Cyn was telling me an interesting story and i feel i should share with others.

One day as she was teaching her K2 students in class she overheard this conversation. Students A, B, C and D were sitting together. Suddenly student B called her "Miss Khoo! Miss Khoo! A scold bad word!"

B was echoing in a taunting manner at A "Asshole asshole!"

C looked blur and asked innocently " What is asshole?"

D answered quickly "You stupid la! It's a petrol kiosk!" (Esso)

After listening to this story we had a good laugh. Kids are always innocent at heart.

Screwed up weekend

OMG! I woke up at 645am today to go school for child minding and now im sooo tired. Still sick, but its a SAT! Today is supposed to be a day for me to unwind and relax. Yest night also but coz i need to wake up early today, so i had to slp early last nite. Today im too tired to have fun.. How boring and stressed up coz i still have tonnes of things to complete.... haix... Wish hols come faster. boy gg overseas soon n i'll be left alone to sweat it out while he is enjoying the time of his life. How pathetic...=..(