Alone

Sigh...My eyes are as swollen as a goldfish's. My dear went for his trip already since last sat. Recently im in a extremely terrible mood. Perhaps stressed at work and stressed over my relationship. There is no big problem in my relationship, but just tt i also dunno why im very jittery.
These few days being alone, i tried to do all things to divert my attention, so i'll not remember im alone. Actually to alot of people, this is no big deal. Yes, i also thought so. But i realised i'm wrong. The fear of me being alone was embedded deep inside my sleeping memory for years. Now it has awakened. I realised that i've been so scared of being thrown alone, like what had happened a few years back. I thought i've forgotten, i've healed completely. But, im terribly WRONG. The wound is still there.
He called back from taiwan last night, i'm supposed to be happy. But i got agitated over a little comment, and i broke down without him knowing. I cried and cried till i fall asleep. I rather he don't call back, i rather be alone. I kept telling myself i can be strong. It's no big deal. But this fear is so familiar. I told him don't call me back, just leave me alone, and i will be better. If he don't call, don't msg me, at least i can forget that i'm alone. I know i'm deceiving myself, but at least time flies faster, and i can be stronger. By showing his concern for me, i became vulnerable. Too vulnerable. A bad incident before made me even more scared of loneliness. How do i get past? Also by deceiving myself. Do all things to divert my attention, be busy every single day, in this way i wont have time to think. Sorry to him. real sorry.

Kids' hearts are always innocent

Yipeeee! Today is labour day and its pulic holiday!! But now its going to be over soon...Had a gathering with my friends and i had a fun time, I adored them soo much. But Christ going to Shanghai with her bf soon on 14th May and i feel a bit lonely. Wonder when can i see her again coz her bf posted there to work and in short term she wont come back. Sobzz...Sigh why my good friends are all leaving one by one? I hope i can leave too. It's so boring here. Today Cyn was telling me an interesting story and i feel i should share with others.

One day as she was teaching her K2 students in class she overheard this conversation. Students A, B, C and D were sitting together. Suddenly student B called her "Miss Khoo! Miss Khoo! A scold bad word!"

B was echoing in a taunting manner at A "Asshole asshole!"

C looked blur and asked innocently " What is asshole?"

D answered quickly "You stupid la! It's a petrol kiosk!" (Esso)

After listening to this story we had a good laugh. Kids are always innocent at heart.